Time to celebrate as you just said Yes to the Man of your dreams. Everything is pretty, nice and exciting.
Choosing a dress from the 500,000 styles available
As soon as you say ‘I do’ the whole world wants to know what sort of dress you’ll be wearing on the big day. Um – a white one?
Planning a theme
Rock ‘n’ roll chic on a festival-esque farm …
Sushi and champers by the sea …
A butterfly garden in friggin outta space ….
Everyone expects you to come up with an original never-seen-before theme. There are no new ideas people!
How about ‘wedding theme’?!
You’re suddenly forced to decide what your favourite colour is.
What if you just don’t have a favourite colour? Make one up.
…probably not that good at wedding planning either.
No you’re not invited (but I don’t have the guts to tell you)
The minute you get engaged all you hear is ‘am I invited?’ Erm, well you weren’t …. Dammit.
The wedding breakfast
Everyone suddenly develops ‘dietary requirements’ when it comes to your wedding meal choice. Helpful.
Hobbycraft becomes strangely alluring. Even though you’re utterly sh*t at crafts. But you’ll still try and make your own budget paper bouquet/balloon arch/place names/card receiving box anyway.
And fail miserably.
Families become a pain in the backside
Great Aunt Sally who hasn’t emerged in public since 1978 MUST be invited.
How about second cousin thrice removed Roy? It won’t be the same without him!
Becoming acquainted with wedding terminology
Wedding breakfast – is not cereal and toast. Nor is it served at breakfast time.
Receiving line – you don’t receive anything worthwhile.
Favours – no one’s offering to help change your tyre.
What about the kids?
Don’t invite the kids and alienate all the parents on your list.
Do invite the kids and all the parents on your list spend the day saying ‘Sshhhh’ and looking pissed off.
Invest in crayons and colouring books for the day – because that’ll totally keep children of all ages entertained for 10 hours, right?
Last minute panic when you realise seven days before you totally forgot to order kids’ meals. Chicken nuggets and chips OK? (Don’t tell Jamie Oliver)
- Have a gift lift and risk looking mildly grabby/materialistic. I mean who REALLY needs napkin holders?
- Don’t have a gift list and risk getting three identical John Lewis cheese graters …
- Ask for money to help with your perfect honeymoon and risk looking even more grabby and materialistic when you list an elephant ride into the sunset complete with champagne cocktails.
- Insist on NO gifts and receive hundreds anyway .
Answer – there IS no answer.
Picking the first dance song
Mild panic sets in when you realise that you don’t really have a ‘song’.
Frantically scan your memory for a time you had a romantic moment and try to recall what tune was playing in the club when you met and briefly consider Nelly’s Hot in Here.
Quickly decide that Nanna won’t approve so go for something by Ed Sheeran – he’s pretty romantic, and wedding-y, right?